Mofast Manna

changing the world one vote at a time

I woke on the final morning of conference to the sound of drum beating and Native American chants floating over the grassy area between my dorm and the building we gathered in for the proceedings. The Methodists are in town. I’m not sure what was going on, but it was winding down by the time I arrived and we had some sort of worship time outside prior to proceeding into the building for morning worship. It was cold and I couldn’t hear what was going on, so I endured it until we funneled into the auditorium like cattle. The worship continued with some of the “youth” in the conference leading some praise and worship. I enjoy rock music and some pop music is ok. Stylistically this music was fine, but these songs were incredibly difficult to sing as a congregation. There is no sense of what rhythm we were to follow, but we were all so terribly excited to have young people wearing Methodist t-shirts we clapped offbeat and tried to sing along. Continue Reading »

If you are wondering, dear reader, why we have not been as prompt with our Annual Conference postings this year as we have been in the past, there are two reasons: first, the Non-Historically Methodist college we are staying at has serious wireless issues and second, we are bored with the proceedings this year. Seriously, the most interesting things about our activities this year are the lunches and dinners we ate on the local economy. We just assume that you did not want to read a detailed gastrointestinal exposition on the restaurants we went to near the Non-Historically Methodist College.

There was an interesting thing that happened on the third day of our proceedings (other than yet another weak sermon). This was the debate on the proposal on the property and workers compensation insurance churches within the Conference use. Currently about 80% of the churches use the same provider. This proposal would force all churches in the Conference to use the same property insurance provider. This caused much wailing and gnashing of teeth and result in some interesting parliamentary procedures to be utilized. The Conference Treasurer, who in the past has proven almost completely incapable of explaining the simplest of financial information to the Conference without turning himself into a rambling wreck, indicated that this proposal was “good stewardship.” In my experience when that term is trotted out it is code for “we are in serious financial trouble and this is a way for us to save a little bit of money.” Apparently there is some kind of economies of scale involved in the insurance carrier of 80% of the churches in the Conference being the carrier for everyone. The Conference Board of Trustees indicated this insurance carrier will give us all a “discount” that will reduce costs conference-wide if they are the sole provider of property and workers compensation insurance. The Conference basically said that “we have investigated this” and that we should all just trust them that they have our best interests at heart. If the Conference was a little healthier or a little more trustworthy to begin with, I might agree. They are neither.

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I enjoyed a rather poor night’s sleep in the stuffy college dorm room I was staying in, so I arose early and sat down in the lobby to read a book while I awaited The Mofast. He arrived and we headed over to the coliseum. We had to dodge sprinklers and run from some attacking bees but we made it to the arena dry and in one piece. We are confident that if we moved this event to a “historically Methodist college” we would not have to endure such indignities.

We found some seats and settled in for worship and heard the second lousy sermon in a row. The guy who was invited to speak is a retired District Superintendent (the guy between a local pastor and a bishop for those of you not in the know) who I assume knows how to give a speech. This guy jammed a 40 minute sermon into 20 minutes. He raced through the sermon reading it line for line like a nervous college sophomore giving a presentation in a history class. I felt like I was on a roller coaster. He said at one point that “we cannot follow Jesus without moving.” This guy was moving so fast that Jesus probably gave up trying to catch him. The only pause in the sermon occurred when he abruptly ended. He stopped talking, turned around and started to sit down. The audience caught its breath and then politely clapped more in relief than anything else.

The worship service ended and we jumped straight into the proposed Constitutional amendments. These amendments were voted on by the General Conference last year and 2/3 of the Annual Conferences must pass them for them to take effect.

There was a controversy regarding one of the amendments, amendment 1 which changes language in the Discipline specifying that the UM church is in ministry to all and the detailed language about “race, color national origin, status or economic condition” was to be replaced in this amendment with all persons. Although this may appear to be innocuous, the rationale against this is that the language is so broad that it could negate a pastor’s or congregation’s ability to exercise appropriate discernment when determining who can become a member. Obviously the elephant in the room is that self avowed practicing homosexuals may be admitted to membership over the objection of the local church. We spent the debate on this issue talking past each other. Those opposed were concerned that it took away the discernment ability of a local pastor to determine who may be able to take membership. We are constantly talking about when people are really ready to make a commitment, whether it is to be in leadership, or to become a member, so why suddenly decide to negate this. A young person got up to proclaim that all the young people are strongly in favor of this and that we need to listen to the young people since that is the direction the church is taking and they are future leaders. I am confident that the young people who would bother to attend Annual Conference are indeed in favor of this. The left is confident, assured and arrogant in their certainty. Those of us who would oppose this were called on the floor during the debate “ignorant” and “full of fear.” We do not share a common theology. We are not capable of entering into dialogue on these issues because it will do no good. They will not convince me and I will not convince them. We have radically different views on scripture, human freedom, sexuality, and the authority of God. The effect of these constitutional amendments may split the church and I sincerely hope they do. The amendment passed and we moved on to the other proposed amendments.  Continue Reading »

We need to apologize up front ladies and gentlemen, for being tardy in our recounting of the first day of Annual Conference. You see, the college we are staying at, you remember, the one that uses armed security guards, was having a problem with their wireless internet. Perhaps

 they were too busy cleaning their guns or taking target practice to get the wireless to work. Regardless, we have found a way to communicate yesterday’s events to you and we will recount the parliamentarily mind-blowing and controversial stuff that happened today, tomorrow, and so on.  You get the idea, you would not be reading this blog if you were not smart.

Anyway, we began Annual Conference yesterday afternoon with a worship service that had WAY too much liturgical dance in it. Now, I know it takes time to put together a liturgical dance routine, and I know that this somehow speaks to some people (I think), but I cringe and want to run and hide in the john whenever it is trotted out. It would have been tolerable except that the opening was being danced to a song from the ancient musical Godspell. The worship continued with a “Statement of Faith.” Appropriate for a Methodist Annual Conference Worship Service, the microphone was not working so the reading of the “Statement of Faith” was inaudible. As you can see we were off to a great and fairly typical start. 

I look forward to hearing our Bishop preach. He is an engaging dynamic preacher who has always left me with thing to think about. This afternoon, however was different. We heard a disappointingly disjointed, rambling sermon that went nowhere. I am not sure what he was trying to tell us. I did catch this line though: “Can’t you just rejoice? Don’t be so sad, don’t be so pessimistic, don’t be so down – do whatever it takes to pump you up. Change can come through HOPE.”  Well, we don’t do “up” very well around this blog but we remain interested in this theme of “Vital Signs of Hope,” so we will be open-minded. 

Speaking of Vital Signs of Hope, our Conference sessions are held in a brand new field house gym. The stethoscope that we spoke of last time was prominently displayed at the front – a very large one suspended over the front of the assemblage, hovering over us, taunting us with its image of life-support and heart attacks. It is not inspiring.

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It's the big one! We're coming John and Charles!

The Mofast and I are busy this week cleaning our desks of important work and packing our bags as we get ready to jet over to this year’s Annual Conference which begins Wednesday evening and runs through the weekend. The highlight of the Conference for both of us are the bathroom breaks in which we test our vigor by sprinting past the other delegates with their walkers and canes to get to the stalls first. This reminds us how youthful and energetic we are and how important therefore we are to the Conference. Although they don’t quite know what to do with us.

Each Annual Conference has a slogan that is designed to set the program theme and get everyone focused. Last year it was, “Stirring the Waters.” I cannot remember what the slogans in previous years were. They must have not made a great impression on me. However, this year, in a “stroke” of pure marketing genius, our beloved Annual Conference has been tagged with the slogan “Vital Signs of Hope.” The slogan appears on the cover of our conference materials alongside a picture of a stethoscope.

I am not overwhelmingly inspired by a denomination that uses images of heart attacks and hospitalization as rallying points. When I look at the stethoscope I am reminded that if you listen carefully, and for a really long time, you might sense a pulse in the denomination. In actuality this pulse may be attributed to the continued bare solvency of the ordained elder pension fund.

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It's a hymnal not a her-nal

NEW… From the same people who brought you “The Faith We Sing” featuring such beloved classics as “Womb of Life” and “Mothering God Who Gave Us Birth” and from the same production team that has brought you thrills such as “40+ years of decline” and “Open Hearts, Open Doors, Open Minds”…  WE ARE PLEASED TO NOW OFFER YOU the new, new, new Hymnal for United Methodists everywhere!  Well, not quite yet, but IT WILL BE HERE SOON!  Don’t let the delay in the formation of the UM Hymnal due to decreasing funds fool you, we aren’t dead yet!  Let’s examine the good news.

It is time for a new UM Hymnal – those within the denominational hierarchy insist.  I know I personally can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought to myself,  “You know what would fix this situation?  A new hymnal.”  Some of you may be skeptical – a stance I am unfamiliar with myself, and you may be asking questions like this: Continue Reading »